"will it be like this later when we have our own family?"
a simple question.. and u exploded rattling about how u gonna leave me and take our children with you if this happened to your brother and I refused to go and visit my own family. "For me family is important!" you said.

That sentence saddened me. It made me feel like I'm an ignorant bastard. I'm way better then u think. I even cared for my friend whom i had differences in the past and now you see me as this evil bitch who doesn't know how to given some empathy to your dearest friend that you treated like your own brother. I began to hate myself even more and this doesn't help the fact that I'm being an idiot for the past 4 and a half years.

This isn't what it was like when we first met.
I didn't sign up for a living mockery.

underestimated understated and always be misunderstand

Probably we have that much gap between us. We're a totally different people from different backgrounds, with different views of life.
You still think I'm a person incapable of living as an adult.

and everything's just saddened me . really . truly
I have always been a sensitive, caring person. There are times when I need me-time, there are times when I wanted to be stubborn. But I always put others before me.

Why is it with you, you always think that I'm a self centered little bastard and you think you're a true God who cared so much for others?

It was just a simple question. And how I see it, I would put our family's first among others, and yes that's because I'm selfish when it comes to my family especially my own flesh and blood. I would think about us more than others. I would think it's late and my children needed some sleep for tomorrow's school rather having a sleepless night with somebody who's old enough to take care of their own problems.

Was I wrong? Probably I always is in front your eyes.
Is there a chance for you reading all this even tho i purposely put it up as a status? I don't think so. U're to busy with your own things to remember every little tiny detail when it comes to me or should i say Us?

This wasn't what I remembered it felt like when we first started. This is how you got close to me by reading my thoughts. But lately, all that faltered to a bottomless pit.


All this made me think twice of being with you. I probably not a perfect woman for you, but I probably am for somebody else, and when that happens I'm sure that somebody won't threaten to leave me when we had our children or when bad time comes.

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There are times when i hesitated, am i doing the right things?
Is this the right path, how's my life going to turn out.
Every questions will have an answer sooner or later.. and i'm living the answer at the moment. People have goals of their life. And me ? I had 3 impossible things to achieve. Love - Family - Career.. Some says it's impossible to achieve the three. Although, I would like to try my very best to do so. Is he going to be supportive? Would he understand my situation? Or is it all just a naive dream. He's been through the hardship of life i believe, therefore is very pessimistic of viewing life in general.
How i wish to change his thoughts, to show him broaden subject and giving my insight.
But how can I when he thinks he knows it all and i'm just too naive to understand. That's the whole reason why i want us to be equal no matter how far apart our ages are.

Is it a mistake? Or for the umpteenth time am i just being foolish ? *sigh ...

In 10 years time, what am i going to be? I will definitely come back to this question in exactly 10 years and answer my own question.

At times, I feel lonely .. hustle & bustle surrounding sounds hollow and lifeless.
The waiting seems endless. When the time comes, are we going to be the same as we are these 4 years we've been together? will you still be you or are we going to change? Love evolves to something else, either good or bad, and when the feeling is not mutual I'd rather flew away to a place where I can love me since no one is you.

Like a teenager i daydreamed. Looking forward to the day.
When I opened my eyes I see you, and when I close my eyes I'm dreaming of you. Growing old together going steady on our rock chairs, and On the day we close our eyes together at the end, we're still wrapped up in each others embrace.

This is my remedies, how i waited for you. However corny. This what kept me strong for the last 4 years. How bout you?

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